yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
