I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
