I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
