We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
