Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The power of my boobs compel you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
