At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
