let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
