Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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