I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
