It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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