In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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