Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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