im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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