i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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