I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
