wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed