Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line