she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine