when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.