it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
