yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
