remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.