apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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