Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
