I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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