Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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