Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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