I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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