I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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