My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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