does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
