i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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