Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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