It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
