Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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