Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
