i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
