And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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