I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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