i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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