so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found puke in my bra..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
