i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
