I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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