Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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