mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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