none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Vodka?
Forever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
