Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
