Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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