I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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