If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got chris browned last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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