Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
