remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
