the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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