but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
