so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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