You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize