How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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