I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
