R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
