just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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