My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
