I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
