Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wear drunk well.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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