somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
