I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
