I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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