WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
