Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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