What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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