ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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