just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
