Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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