i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
